Get Better at Negative Consequences: Get More Decisive
Hello again, friend! We are deep into this series on how to become more decisive, and I hope you’re having the absolute best time making decisions left and right. Or at least, like, one decision without spiraling into a vortex of overthinking. Progress is progress.
Now, today’s topic? Not the most fun. But it’s important. Because if you really want to be more decisive—if you want to stop wasting your time second-guessing, undoing decisions, outsourcing them to everyone in your life, and generally making yourself miserable—then you have to get better at dealing with one big thing:
Consequences.
I know. I wish I could tell you that the key to decisiveness is just getting so good at planning that every choice works out perfectly. But unfortunately, we live on planet Earth. So the real key is this: You have to get better at dealing with decisions that don’t go the way you want.
Why This Matters
If you want to be decisive, you can’t rely on things always working out exactly as planned. That’s a fragile system. It means that every single decision feels like a massive risk—because the only way you get to feel confident is if everything goes right.
That’s exhausting. And it’s also why a lot of people stay stuck. If you’ve trained yourself to think:
If things go well, I get to feel good.
If things don’t go well, I have to feel bad.
…then no wonder you hesitate every time a decision comes up! You’ve turned every choice into a potential emotional minefield. So let’s talk about how to stop doing that.
The Self-Blame Trap
A lot of high-achieving, overthinking, smart people (hi, I see you) tend to go straight to self-blame when a decision plays out in a way they don’t like.
They immediately think: This is my fault. I should have seen this coming. I should have made a better choice.
Here’s the problem with that:
It’s inaccurate. Rarely is a situation entirely your fault. And I promise, calling yourself dumb or incapable isn’t helping anything.
It shuts down learning. If your go-to response is blame, you never actually analyze what happened in a productive way. You don’t ask, What worked? What didn’t? What can I do differently next time? You just sit in the shame spiral.
And sometimes, people don’t even blame themselves. They blame others—their boss, their partner, the person in line ahead of them at the grocery store. But either way, it’s the same problem. Blame just muddies the water. It adds an extra layer of frustration and stops you from seeing things clearly.
What to Do Instead: Feel Your Feelings
Here’s the tough truth: If you want to be more decisive, you need to get better at actually feeling your feelings.
Blame is a shield. It protects you from feeling the real emotions underneath—things like disappointment, regret, or embarrassment. But those emotions don’t just disappear. They sit there, unprocessed, and keep you stuck.
So when you’re dealing with a decision that didn’t go how you wanted, try this instead:
Pause and notice your reaction. Are you instantly blaming yourself or someone else?
Identify what you’re actually feeling. (Google “feelings wheel” if you need help.)
Process it. This might mean journaling, talking it out, or simply sitting with it instead of pushing it away.
And here’s the big one: Recover from stress. Stress that never gets processed makes you sick. It weakens your immune system, affects your sleep, and keeps your brain in high-alert mode—none of which helps you make good decisions.
The Power of Staying on Your Own Team
One of the biggest shifts you can make is deciding to have your own back, no matter what.
You don’t always have to like the decisions you made. But you do have to stay on your own team. That means:
No abandoning yourself when something goes sideways.
No beating yourself up endlessly for a choice that didn’t work out.
No deciding that one imperfect decision means you’re incapable of making good ones.
Think of it like being in a long-term relationship with yourself. You might have moments where you’re annoyed with your choices (ugh, why did I do that?), but you don’t just ditch yourself. You commit to working through it.
Regret: Put It in the Plan
One of the sneaky reasons people struggle with decision-making? They are terrified of regret.
But here’s the thing: Regret is part of the deal. You will have moments in life where you wish you’d done something differently. But you get to decide how much power that regret has. You get to decide whether it means, I must dwell on this forever and feel terrible every time I think about it, or I learn from this and move on.
If you want to go deeper on this, I’ve got a whole podcast episode on regret—go check it out!
Start Small: Practice on the Little Things
You don’t have to start with life-altering decisions. Practice handling consequences you don’t like in low-stakes situations first:
You order a meal at a restaurant, and it’s not what you expected. Instead of spiraling into why didn’t I pick the other thing, just notice your reaction.
You pick a checkout line at the store, and it ends up being so slow. Can you take a breath instead of blaming yourself for choosing wrong?
These tiny moments are where real change starts. Because if you can practice handling minor disappointments well, you’ll be in a much better place when bigger ones come up.
The Bottom Line
You will make decisions that don’t play out how you want. You will have moments of regret. That’s just reality. But if you can:
Feel your feelings instead of blaming,
Recover from stress,
Stay on your own team, and
Decide how much power regret gets,
Then you’ll become the kind of person who makes decisions with confidence—because you trust yourself to handle whatever happens next.
And that’s real decisiveness.
Wait, I need more help!
Is it time to work together? I help overthinking high-achievers trust their choices.
Whether you need help being more decisive, taking up more space in your own life, or truly figuring out what you want so you can take action on it — coaching with me gives you guidance, accountability and an expert in your corner.
We’ll use science-backed tools and proven strategies to change mental and physical habits, decrease your baseline overwhelm, and grow your self-trust to the point that you make clear, conscious, self-honoring decisions with ease, daily.
It starts — naturally — with some decisive action.
Book your no-strings Free Consultation where we’ll talk like humans, break down your goals, identify a path forward, and figure out if we’re a fit to work together.
