Why Accepting “What Is” Will Help You Be More Decisive
Let’s talk about a sneaky thing that makes decision-making harder than it needs to be: spending too much time comparing reality to what could be.
I know, I know—it’s hard not to. But to be a decisive person, you have to mentally be in the present moment, working with what you’ve got now, instead of being stuck in the land of "what should have been."
The Kitchen Hood Incident
To illustrate this point, let’s talk about my dad. (He makes a lot of appearances on this podcast. Thanks, Dad.)
Several years ago, my parents remodeled their kitchen. It was a whole thing. Custom cabinets, beautiful finishes—the works. And after all that meticulous design, you know what happened? The big, gorgeous oven hood ended up installed at exactly the height where my dad needed to lean to reach the back burner.
So every time he cooked (which is every single night), he banged his head.
It wasn’t just physically painful—it was mentally painful. Because how did no one catch this?! He’s an architect. The designer was a professional. And yet, here we were.
And so my dad had a choice:
He could accept reality.
He could spend every single night lamenting how it should have been designed differently.
There was an option to replace it. But it would have been a whole expensive, time-consuming mess, and he wasn’t about to do that. So the choice became: accept what is, or spend years annoyed about it.
Let’s pause here for a second: How often are you spending time frustrated about things you don’t like, but aren’t changing?
Reality vs. What Could Be
If you do something every single day and spend most of that time focusing on how it’s not what it could be, that takes up serious mental real estate.
Imagine if you could zoom out and see a pie chart of how your brain has spent its energy this past year. How much of it would be taken up by frustration over something you wish was different, but aren’t actively changing?
Yikes, right?
Decisiveness Starts with Accepting Reality
Here’s the deal: You don’t have to like something to accept it. But you do need to stop fixating on what could be if you’re not planning on changing it.
Acceptance puts you in a position to be more decisive, because decisiveness requires you to work with the present moment. If you're mentally living in some alternate version of reality where things should be different, you cannot make clear, grounded decisions.
Now, let's be clear—I’m not saying to just “suck it up” or settle for things you don’t like. Absolutely not. If something can be changed and you want to change it, great! Explore those options. But if you’re not going to change it, then for the love of all things holy, stop torturing yourself about it.
The Emotional Side of Acceptance
If you find yourself constantly frustrated by things you aren’t changing, here’s what might be happening:
You’re not actually letting yourself feel your emotions about it.
You’re stuffing them down and just tolerating the situation instead of fully acknowledging, "I don’t like this."
You’re afraid that if you admit you don’t like it, you won’t change it, and then you’ll feel stuck.
I get it. It’s scary to look at something and say, “This isn’t what I want.” Because once you see that, you can’t unsee it. And the fear is: What if I don’t do anything about it? What if I just… stay stuck?
This is where you have to build self-trust.
You have to trust that if something needs changing, you will change it. And if it can’t be changed, you’ll process your feelings about it and move on, instead of spending your life in a constant state of resentment.
Accepting vs. Settling
Accepting something doesn’t mean you’re settling. It means you’re making a conscious decision to let go of the struggle and use your energy for something that actually serves you.
Because let’s be real—complaining about something every day doesn’t change it.
You have limited time, energy, and brain space. Spend it wisely.
The Takeaway
If you want to become more decisive, start noticing where you’re resisting reality.
Are you mentally living in “what should be” instead of “what is”?
Are you spending too much time wishing things were different, instead of deciding what you’re going to do about it?
Are you stuck in resentment when you could be moving forward?
Decisiveness isn’t just about quick decision-making. It’s about having a clear, empowered relationship with reality—so you can make choices that actually move your life forward.
So start today. Pick one thing that’s been irritating you—the thing you keep wishing was different. Decide: Am I going to change this, or am I going to accept it? And then, do just that.
That’s how you reclaim your mental energy. That’s how you become more decisive.
And that’s how you stop banging your head against the metaphorical kitchen hood of life.
Wait, I need more help!
Is it time to work together? I help overthinking high-achievers trust their choices.
Whether you need help being more decisive, taking up more space in your own life, or truly figuring out what you want so you can take action on it — coaching with me gives you guidance, accountability and an expert in your corner.
We’ll use science-backed tools and proven strategies to change mental and physical habits, decrease your baseline overwhelm, and grow your self-trust to the point that you make clear, conscious, self-honoring decisions with ease, daily.
It starts — naturally — with some decisive action.
Book your no-strings Free Consultation where we’ll talk like humans, break down your goals, identify a path forward, and figure out if we’re a fit to work together.
